The tradition of Festivus starts with the airing of grievances. To quote Frank Costanza: “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about them.”
We are quickly approaching the close of 2017, so let’s gather around the aluminum Festivus pole and air our grievances and prepare for the feats of strength. I’ll start:
- Steve Bannon, go away.
- Conservatives, stop backing crazy, unelectable candidates that lose winnable elections.
- President Donald Trump isn’t a god or a king. Stop treating him as such.
- Talk radio, in general, is still unbearable.
- Liberals, I get that y’all are upset over Donald Trump getting elected, but it’s over. You might want to clean up shop rather than let the Clintons control the DNC. Also, see above about “unelectable” candidates.
- Dear President Trump, please stay on script and off Twitter.
- If you are over 40 and throw around the term snowflake like a blizzard to describe folks younger than you who don’t agree with your beliefs and are scared to listen others’ opinions, then you might be using the term incorrectly.
- If you’re offended by Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, or any other festive greeting, just accept it, smile, and move along. If you feel like you haven’t been able to say Merry Christmas between the years of 2009 and 2016, get over yourself.
Alright, there’s enough there to get you started. Air your 2017 grievances below, and keep them clean #ForTheChildren.