To quote Frank Costanza: “I got a lotta problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it!”
You’re on your own about the Festivus Pole. Hopefully, 2017 will have fewer polls. I think it was Mike Hassinger who said ‘polls are for strippers and cross-country skiers.’
In honor of today’s special holiday, I polled (hahah – see what I did there?) the illustrious GeorgiaPol contributors to air their grievances. Listed below, in no particular order, are their gripes and grumbles because 2016 did not lack in major suckage. In some cases, names have been changed/removed to protect the not-so-innocent.
–One day, there will be a Donald Trump Presidential Library
–When you see something sweet/cute/adorable on the internet, if you MUST, say “Aww/Aw, how sweet/cute/adorable!” IT IS NOT “AWE.” That’s something completely different – unless you are actually in awe of that cute baby, or whatever.
–Every time I watch the Festivus clip I feel bad that I’m somehow supporting Steve Bannon.
–Running shoe manufacturers don’t make any fun shoes if you’re a ladies size 11.5 narrow.
–I get unreasonably angry when invisible socks bunch up under the arch of my foot.
–Am I the only person who sees the crumbs on the counter?
–Stop moving the inventory around, Whole Foods! Backtracking at the supermarket also makes me unreasonably angry!
–I swear that nearly all of the most annoying, inconsiderate drivers I see invariably have an In God We Trust sticker on their license plate. Checking the tag is like a game now when I’m in a parking lot or on an off-ramp and some driver does something inane
–Talk radio has gone from presenting the conservative perspective in a rational way to being nothing more than an echo chamber that’s said “Obama and Republicans suck” ad nauseam for the past 8 years?
–To our TEA Party friends: Y’all “won” the GOP Presidential Election and the General Election with Donald Trump. Stop being so dang grumpy and actually be happy that you won an election. Remember, governing is a lot harder than campaigning. Hopefully y’all will remember that.
— To some Republican candidates and activists who think #TheEvilEstablishment is out to get them: Y’all really need to read up on Georgia’s political history during the mid-20th century if you want to know what a real political machine looks like. You lost the primary/general/special election because you didn’t make your case to the electorate. If you did, then they just didn’t want you. Losing sucks, but it ain’t a conspiracy against you. You just didn’t make the cut.
–To my Democratic friends who believe the Electoral College is the #worstthingevar: Y’all weren’t too upset with it when President Barack Obama won. I don’t recall much effort to amend the Constitution to change how we elect the President when y’all controlled both houses of Congress. I get losing sucks, but y’all are gonna have to get over it sooner or later.
–To our friends in the legislature: I’m more concerned about making Georgia’s economy friendly to budding industries, like film and technology, over bathroom bills. Let’s not get distracted over ridiculous bills and focus on how to better Georgia for citizens.
–To my Republican friends who gripe about how the Georgia GOP is operated: Get off your duff and run for a leadership position. It’s easy to gripe about how an organization is ran when you’re not running it. It’s hard to put yourself on the line and volunteer to get griped at. Don’t be an armchair quarterback
–GDOT insisting on trying to provide the people of Dawson County with roundabouts. How many more will they put in until they realize that we, as a people, cannot handle nice things?
–GA 400. Do away with it. Nuke it. I don’t much care.
–Gluten allergies. My fiancé has a gluten allergy. That means I might as well have a gluten allergy.
–Jim Barksdale’s hat.
–The term “outsider.”
–The anti-establishmentarians that are so anti-establishment they aim to replace the establishment with their own anti-establishment establishment and then giggle to one another about how great it is to be the establishment.
–Donald Trump’s hair. It’s fake, I swear.
–Don’t have a clue about Festivus because of a Seinfeld viewing deficiency.
–People who constantly use ‘the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing…blah, blah, blah’. First, insanity has nothing to do with trying and failing at the same task over and over. Second, if you repeat that line more than once are you now insane by your own definition.
–Slow left lane drivers
–Buttheads – those who toss their cig butts out the car window.
–NFL players who don’t stand for the national anthem, how’s 1-13 working out for you Colin K.?
–Fat people putzing around on store carts with no regard for anybody walking.
–Politicians who give themselves pay raises while complaining about the lack of compensation for a job they chose to seek, Cobb County comes to mind with one exception, Commissioner Bob Ott.
–Brunswick stew is a specific thing not to be altered by introducing lima beans and other vegetables or excessive liquid in a recipe. Is nothing sacred anymore!!!!!
–Customer service seems to be missing from a LOT of companies. Companies could learn a lot from Chic-Fil-A.
–We have some serious issues in Georgia in the areas of mental health, foster children, and rural hospitals.
–It is okay to have differing opinions, even in politics. You can learn a lot by listening to other’s opinions and not just pushing your own view. (Also, you are not always right.)
–Enough with the labels on people.
–There is absolutely NO reason that Georgia Tech should ever beat Georgia in football. None at all. BUT us Techies sure do like it. 🙂
–Who in the world decided that Clemson should be Georgia Tech’s annual ACC rivalry game?
–At the end of the day, there are a lot more important things than sports. Unless you make a living based upon a sports team, learn to let it go.
–They still put blinkers on vehicles. Use them.
–Politicians are still people, not punching bags, and people should matter in our lives.
–2016 was a long year, yet it went by so quickly.
–Cancer still sucks.
–UGA’s offensive line this year displayed no feats of strength and looked more like a bunch of cupcakes than football players.
–The “science” part of political science in 2016? RIP.
–Who’s more isolated than an LGBTQ/Democrat/feminist/SJW BLM supporter/atheist/vegan/college-student-snowflake in Trump’s America? Any conservative who thought he would lose. (It’s lonely out here.)
–The exquisite joy of seeing liberals weeping, gnashing their teeth and rending their garments as they succumb to Trump derangement syndrome is COMPLETELY nullified by having to put up with morons who confuse lucky with good and think they’re smart because they said Trump was going to win.
–When disaster strikes, we keep trying to avoid stereotypes and NOT jump to conclusions, but the answer is hardly ever “mennonites,” and usually “muslim terrorists.”
–“Alt-right” is a dangerous term. Those people are not just another version of right-wingers. They’re pretty much the opposite of conservative. I’m a conservative and those people are not my cousins – they’re my enemies.
–We need to end identity politics, or it will end us.
–Hamilton is great. Now please shut up.
–The kids who live in the wealthiest zip codes still get the best public education, and everyone else not so much.
–Harambe had it coming.
Only one, and it’s a standing complaint of mine: all of the decisions I made last night.
Ed (Admittedly, these are pretty lame.)
–I’m too handsome.
–It’s too cold.
–Nothing new is any good.
–A grievance from a reader – the first time I saw “Jawja” in print it was funny, the next time it was cute. Lately, like a TV commercial that is played too often, it is no longer funny or cute.
–A grievance from the mountains – give poor Brian Kemp a break.
–An Irish grievance – there is not enough holding up silly, stupid and/or unnecessary proposed legislation for scorn and ridicule.
–An uninformed grievance – when the hell did personal responsibility die and why wasn’t I informed?
–My neighbors, the Smith Family; you don’t think that I see you putting your trash in my garbage can, but I do. And with each passing week my hatred for your family grows. Your trash emits a horrific, stomach-turning stench. Your lawn has more weeds than flowers. Your children have ruined our shared fence. I hope you move as far away from me as possible.
–My dear uncle, you are a terrible person in every sense of the word.
–Del Monte, your “lite” pears are anything but lite. The quality has been slipping over the years. I wish you would improve the quality of your pears.
–Jacob Hawkins and Ashley Williams, your use of iMessage’s “text reactions” is driving me insane.
–Republican Party, you need to quit screaming long enough to breathe or you’re going to kill yourself.
–The new traffic light on Kelly Mill Road is the bane of existence. I understand the need to protect the precious children of Kelly Mill Elementary, but at what cost to me? Think about that the next time you want to add a traffic light on my daily route
Jessica checked in on FB to say everyday is Festivus for her in South Georgia. So there.
Yours Truly (Ginny)
–Their, there, they’re, your, you’re, etc. Aren’t people required to pass 4th grade grammar anymore?
–Die Hard IS a Christmas movie. If you disagree, you are WRONG in the head.
–“I knit so I don’t kill people” isn’t just a cute saying. It’s true.
–Roundabouts. Unless they dispense Walker’s Shortbread and a nice cuppa Earl Grey upon entering.
–Diversity. Celebrate everyone’s diversity. Just not yours.
–Emails that begin with “Colleagues.” Translation = Peons.
–People who don’t understand sarcasm.
–“Singers” ruining the National Anthem. Shut.Up.
–UGA urinal cakes in GT restrooms. Really? I thought you grew up when you went off to college. Oh wait…
And last but not least, our fearless leader, Charlie
–A Republican party I understood.
As for the Feats of Strength to follow – Who wants to wrestle Will?
Please feel free to air your own 2016 Festivus grievances in the comments. As always, keep it clean, for the children and all.