Episcopal Church threatens to pull out of Georgia if Sunday Brunch Bill Isn’t passed

With the Governor’s veto of the Religious Freedom bill on Monday, The Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta has decided that, unless the bill legalizing alcohol sales on Sunday before 12:30pm passes next session, the church sees no reason to stay in Georgia.

“Let’s face it” Bishop Davey McDavid told reporters “We’re already religion light to most people. More of a country club with a weekly civic meeting that’s kind of heavy on prayer. But our members want their dues…I mean tithes to continue to be tax deductible, so we’ve kept this whole ‘religion’ thing in our mission statement.”

“But now, with the state pretty much turning it’s back on organized religion, we’ve begun to openly question our core mission statement. And, well, threats of boycotts seem to be effective. We’ve decided to mobilize our members behind something we truly believe in. Either we get to drink with our eggs Benedict and salmon croquettes at 10am on Sundays, or we’re heading to Florida. I mean, no state income tax and 24 hour liquor sales? It sounds like heaven to a lot of us.”

Meanwhile, Tara O’Connor, a member of the Savannah Organization of Hibernian Catholics, commented that regardless of the Brunch Bill’s status this session, she sees no reason to boycott Georgia so long as no one infringes on his right to smuggle a flask of vodka to brunch in order to fortify his customary glass of V-8, garnished with a stalk of celery. “The celery,” O’Tara explained, “represents the trinity: the Bloody Mary, the Mimosa, and – who could forget – the Old Fashioned.”

The Georgia Baptist Mission Board declined GeorgiaPol’s request for an interview, issuing only a written statement saying “Pharisees don’t mix well with tax collectors, women at wells, those that socialize with their neighbors at liquor stores, or those that will drink in public on Sunday. This is a day that the Lord has made, and he wants us to use it, like every other, to show sinners that only righteous people like us will inherit the holy kingdom. Besides, we’re tired of never getting seats at the good restaurants behind these people anyway. Do they not know how long it takes to sit through all six verses of “Just as I am” four times because Charlie Harper won’t get his fat ass off the back row and atone for the stuff he writes on that blog? May all the unwashed just go ahead and rot in hell. We did what we could.”

Harper, who rarely gets up before 12:30 any day of the week, was unavailable for comment.

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4 years ago

Even on sensitivity tiptoes with a bit of fun today ?

4 years ago

I thought the Trinity was the Bloody Mary, the beer chaser, and then the old fashion…

4 years ago

It may be regional – New Orleans vs. Savannah, that kind of thing.

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