October 10, 2017 10:31 AM
Dear Former HHS Price,
As a former elected official, I would like to welcome you to the Former Elected Campaigners and Lobbyist Society, more affectionately known as FECALS. Congratulations on your entry into being a “regular citizen.” For many former elected officials and government appointees the transition is hard. That is where FECALS and our members will help.
Although you spent far more time and I in elected office, I can tell you that the transition can be rather easy. One of the first things to do is to choose which of the FECALS caucuses you would like to join. You should be excited to know that due to the high number of new FECALS members coming from the current White House administration in just the last nine months, we have created a new caucus just for you! Please note the Trump FECALS caucus members have made an explicit rule banning all social media, so please do not bring your smart phone to their meetings.
We have many perks for our FECALS members. We can help to connect you with a ghost writer or editors for your tell all book. In cases like yours we truly encourage you to tell it all. Some of our members who did not expect to join FECALS so quickly take advantage of our grief counseling services. However, I suspect that grief is not the emotion you may be experiencing. The news announced your sudden membership into FECALS was blamed on transportation concerns. However, we know the media often gets things wrong. I will speculate that your sudden departure had less to do with airfare and more to do with you wisely evacuating the sinking ship of the administration. I applaud you for finding an opportune time to jump ship. No matter your reason for leaving you are welcomed here.
FECALS is a nonpartisan association because we know we have a very important role to play in American politics that crosses party lines. We hope you will join our marquee activity of recruiting new members! As a former elected I am sure you can recommend political “R.O.A.D. Kill” also known as politicians who are Retired On Active Duty. Please submit the names of all the elected officials you know that have passed their “sell by” date so we can have them join our association. Best news about our efforts to “drain the swamp” is that for each new member you recruit we will reduce your joining fee. The fee to join is $1,000.00 or the amount the former elected official owes in taxes or restitution to the American people, whichever is more. Please let us know what your joining fee will be and when we should expect to receive it.
We look forward to having you sit back with us and talk about what everyone else is doing wrong. The most important portion of being a FECALS member is that once you join you can never-ever go back into public office. We would really like to have you as a member.
LaDawn LBJ Jones
Former State Representative
FECALS new member recruitment Chair