Morning Reads for Friday, April 14, 2017

14 thoughts on “Morning Reads for Friday, April 14, 2017”

  1. Who reads these days? Let me help y’all out:

    Poll = Best candidate in GA-06 special election still leading the field!
    Beauty = Mortality tables guarantee blessed end to endless nostalgia for Pink Pig at old Rich’s.
    Popcorn = Kemp and Abrams agree Russian citizens should not vote in GA elections.
    Suitcase? = First World Problem #1,733,823
    Mae West joke = Something about bombs bringing Republicans to orgasm.
    Crybabies = Begs the question: what’s with the disturbing conservative fetish for the antics of liberal college students? It’s making the rest of us uncomfortable. Looking at you, David French.
    Control Room = Fond reminder of a time when U.S. still lived in fact-based reality.
    Faster, please = Fond reminder of an era when U.S. still invested in basic research.
    Easter Egg = (Let’s agree to skip this one.)
    Dentist = Best line: “dental interventions among late Stone Age foragers in Italy”
    Dating advice = Republicans in bed with Donald Trump will hate themselves in the morning. Or as soon as next week, maybe. We’ll see. James Comey and the FBI are making steady progress.
    Little shrimps = Synalpheus pinkfloydi. That’s all you need to know.
    Weaponized empathy = “I’m tired of being asked to feel empathy. Empathy is for losers. I feel no empathy for some refugee kid. Why should I care? I didn’t refugee-ize that Syrian boy washed up on that beach. On the other hand, what those Islamic terrorists did to that little girl in Sweden is horrific. So, yeah, empathy.”
    Nanocars! = “Pushing one’s nanocar is forbidden.” Good to know.

    1. Well, technically, we Jews have four New Years every year. And Passover is aligned with one of them, so while Passover is not a New Year as most Jews celebrate it, it’s still technically acceptable imo.

  2. GOP Precedent Trump to Time Magazine: Incoherent blithering or POTUS. You make the call:

    “I predicted a lot of things, Michael. Some things that came to you a little bit later. But, you know, we just rolled out a list. Sweden. I make the statement, everyone goes crazy. The next day they have a massive riot, and death, and problems. Huma [Abedin] and Anthony [Weiner], you know, what I tweeted about that whole deal, and then it turned out he had it, all of Hillary’s email on his thing. NATO, obsolete, because it doesn’t cover terrorism. They fixed that, and I said that the allies must pay. Nobody knew that they weren’t paying. I did. I figured it. Brexit, I was totally right about that. You were over there I think, when I predicted that, right, the day before. Brussels, I said, Brussels is not Brussels. I mean many other things, the election’s rigged against Bernie Sanders. We have a lot of things.”

  3. Time for yet another Precedent Trump achievement—use of MOAB—in order to distract from Carter Page being under FISA surveillance as a possible agent of the Russians dominating the weekend news cycle.

    Trump needn’t bother, since Page’s role in the campaign was inconsequential, just like Manafort’s, and apparently soon to be gone Bannon. “I like Steve, but you have to remember he was not involved in my campaign until very late I had already beaten all the senators and all the governors, and I didn’t know Steve. I’m my own strategist, and it wasn’t like I was going to change strategies because I was facing crooked Hillary.” Besides, Trump in January said he knows “things that other people don’t know” and is going to reveal them second week in January, so he’s got that going for himself.

    Just for good measure, Trump follows his know-nothing comments about North Korea after meeting with Xi with more of his “own strategist” foreign policy—sending out discredited sycophant Spicer to state that Trump’s opinion of NATO hasn’t changed, rather “If you look at what’s happened ― it’s those entities or individuals in some cases ―or issues ― evolving toward the president’s position.” Prescience, Trump knowing NATO would evolve to obsolete. Amazing!

    1. NATO has been fighting terrorism for as long as the US has, so his statements that NATO is no longer obsolete reek of him being a moron and having had someone explain to him what NATO actually does

      1. The scary thing is action by a foreign power, say an aggressive belligerent action by North Korea, that demands prompt response when it will take Fox and Friends at least until the next day to include it in a show.

        1. Or that we’ll be relying on Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and (insert blonde woman yet to be sexually harassed by Roger Ailes and/or Bill O’Reilly here) to distill the complexities of policy to the President of the United States.

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